Think on your feet.....

These are real* extracts from police statements given under caution, from people caught in the foul** act of dogging.        *completely made up.     **beautiful.


"I'm sorry officer, we were just frantically trying to get it into second gear, for 10 minutes, with nothing on.................yes it's an automatic, what of it?"

"No officer, the car broke down and these kind gentlemen were just trying to bump start her. IT, I MEANT IT. The car. And that's when all our trousers fell down."

"No idea officer, I assume all these fat bald gentlemen are just wearing the masks because they are going to a masquerade ball."

"I know officer, what an amazing coincidence that our car breaks down in this exact same spot at midnight every Tuesday."

"I wouldn't know anything about secret signals officer, the internal light was merely flashing on and off because of a blown fuse."

"You see officer these strong winds blew off all my clothes then lifted me into this bush next to this gentleman's car"

"What's funny officer, oh I see, well it's quite cold out here, any chance if sitting in your car? I think my boss just drove past"

"I've already told you officer, we brought the cameras because we wanted to take some photos of the badgers, and we are naked because our clothes were rustling and scaring them away"

"Frankly officer, I'm disgusted that you think I would pay to indulge in such............ what? It's FREE? THE BASTARDS"


Thanks to @pillcook for the inspiration and contribution.
Cheers, Kenny @TheHappyG

Now sod off.

The mullet that time forgot......

I've had an idea for a horror/thriller short story that I believe will also make for good TV.

BRIEF SYNOPSIS -
Man wakes up in morning, looks over adoringly at wife (no, it's not a comedy) - and to his horror he sees she's got a great big curly mullet.

He's a bit confused, but unabashed he gets up and minces around the house for a bit.

Having imbibed "a few beers" the night before, he has a sudden urge for a bacon sarnie so hot foots it to local cafe "The Lay Down Linda". Through the fug of body odour and smoke, he can make out the svelte figure of his favourite Polish waitress, but as the mist clears, there before him, sitting proudly atop her elfin head is a big curly mullet....

He looks around him, mild panic beginning to manifest itself - EVERYONE in the cafe has a curly mullet...

He runs home to confront his wife - "WHY HAVE YOU GOT A CURLY MULLET?". She looks confused "What do you mean, what's a mullet?"

Frantically, he looks around his house at the photos on the walls - yes, all have mullets, staring out at him, mocking him, smirking. Wife, children, parents, grandparents, even the goldfish has a curly mullet.

He turns on the TV - all have mullets.

With shaking fingers he reaches for the family photo album - almost too afraid to look. Worst fears are realised - there he is as a baby - smiling and dribbling to the camera, proud (mulletted) parents looking on, running their fingers through his big bushy curly mullet...........

He closes the album, his face ashen, his trembling hands moving slowly to the top of his head, he knows what's coming...............


THE END.