These are real* extracts from police statements given under caution, from people caught in the foul** act of dogging. *completely made up. **beautiful.
"I'm sorry officer, we were just frantically trying to get it into second gear, for 10 minutes, with nothing on.................yes it's an automatic, what of it?"
"No officer, the car broke down and these kind gentlemen were just trying to bump start her. IT, I MEANT IT. The car. And that's when all our trousers fell down."
"No idea officer, I assume all these fat bald gentlemen are just wearing the masks because they are going to a masquerade ball."
"I know officer, what an amazing coincidence that our car breaks down in this exact same spot at midnight every Tuesday."
"I wouldn't know anything about secret signals officer, the internal light was merely flashing on and off because of a blown fuse."
"You see officer these strong winds blew off all my clothes then lifted me into this bush next to this gentleman's car"
"What's funny officer, oh I see, well it's quite cold out here, any chance if sitting in your car? I think my boss just drove past"
"I've already told you officer, we brought the cameras because we wanted to take some photos of the badgers, and we are naked because our clothes were rustling and scaring them away"
"Frankly officer, I'm disgusted that you think I would pay to indulge in such............ what? It's FREE? THE BASTARDS"
Thanks to @pillcook for the inspiration and contribution.
Cheers, Kenny @TheHappyG
Now sod off.
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